These Are The Things You Cannot Do On The Beach In Nha Trang

The beaches of Nha Trang, Vietnam, are lovely. But they're a little different from what you're used to, so Vietnam has some helpful rules you should follow so that you and everyone else -- mostly scowling Russians here -- have the best possible time.

• No organized catering. Unless, of course, you're the organized caterers setup to rent out the cabanas or bring food and drink situated not more than 20 meters from this sign. Well obviously not them.

• No kites. Because everyone knows that it's not the dangerous undertow that will kill you. It's the kites. So don't buy kite from that street vendor set up on the beach. Everyone hates kites.

• No stepping on grass or destroying of trees. Sure, you can step on the trees and you can destroy the non-existent grass. But if you reverse those two, you shall be taken out and shot.

• No animals grazing. Don't bring your pet worm from Arakkis, the only animal I know of that actually grazes on sand. Or your sand-eating dog.

• No indiscriminate defecation. Because the people of Vietnam have put up with your random shitting for far too long.

• No ball games. Like frisbee. Which isn't a ball. But still, no ball games. You know what? While we're at it; no games at all. This is a serious beach.

• No fire. You don't want the sand or the ocean to catch fire, now do you?

• No fishing. Ignore those boats just off shore. They only look like they are fishing.

• No hawkers. Also ignore all those hawkers selling everything from books to sunglasses to freshly broiled lobster (totally not kidding). Because no hawkers.

• Walking only. Not only are running, skipping, and crawling out; but we're not sure you should swim, either. Just walk. It's safer.

• Wear a life vest. Yes. When you walk. It's safer.

• Garbage at designated places. Take it with you, then drop it on the nearest street, sidewalk, or gutter. You don't want to put the street-cleaners out of work, right?

Ah, Nha Trang. You were a special place. Do svidaniya!

Way Off The Beaten Path In Chumphon Thailand

We didn't spend a lot of time in Chumphon, which isn't all that unusual for "farang" (that means foreigner). For us, Chumphon was merely a way-point to another destination. But it's the kind of place we wouldn't mind spending a little more time in.

Since we had several hours to spare before our ferry took us to the island, we let Google Maps guide us around the city. Talk about an adventure! What looks like a nice, big street is often times little more than a path, often with a gate (thankfully open) at one end. You might squeeze a motor scooter through, but there's no way a car could pass. Does Google point out the difference? Nope. Because this is Thailand.

One such path led to a suspension bridge over a river. A bridge with holes in the planks -- or missing planks all together. The walk over was a little terrifying for us, but not to the young monks jumping from the center to the murky water some 15 meters below. Or the locals who didn't bat an eye as they drove their motor scooters quickly across the full span. Gulp. 

Chumphon certainly has it's charm. So if you're traveling through (not unusual if you're visiting any of the islands on the gulf-side), plan on spending a few hours here. Bonus points if you hang out at Farang Bar, where you can tell Ivor you're a friend of ShEvo's. (On second thought, don't do that. It's quite possible we left an open bar tab there. Oops!)